Sunday, January 10, 2016

This is me...under construction


I am a DIY addict. For better or worse I find myself always looking around to see what can be made more beautiful. Redo, remake, remodel, renovate. These words have dominated my life. I've been thinking about this idea, and realize that I am and should be my most important DIY project. This is me....under construction...always and forever. The need to change & remake myself, to add this talent, to eliminate that bad habit, to learn this skill or subject is a life long pursuit! It's only been recently that I've become okay with the idea that improvement of self will not, and should not, ever end. As an oldest child with a type A personality raised in a home with high expectations, being patient with progress is a bit of a challenge. Thankfully age has helped me to feel a little kinder about my failings. I am more at ease with the fact that I'm not perfect and won't be soon. No embracing excuses or giving up here... I firmly believe that we are responsible for our actions, that our actions have consequences, and that we are accountable for the progress, or lack there of, we make in this life. Middle age finds me more willing to enjoy the process rather than listening to that discouraging, berating and potential limiting voice in my head. 

My New Year's resolution list has always been extreme & exhausting with multiple goals in many categories. I am simplifying even though the need for change hasn't lessened. My character still has many flaws, my self discipline is still lacking, and I have yet to tap into my full potential and yet there is a new found acceptance that change is a very long and almost imperceptive process rather than a one time glittering event. 
As a 14-year-old the year 2000 seemed so far away that I decided that I would be perfect by then at age 36. No more flaws or bad eating habits, just all patient, loving, and successful. When 2000 rolled around it found a 36-year-old overstressed and overtired mom of three teenagers and an eight-year-old trying to do and be everything to everyone. How discouraged I was to be at my "goal" and failing miserably.
Fast forward a few years with more difficult life lessons, experiences, and realistic expectations under my belt.  Now I feel a little more hopeful, a little more patient with myself and much more patient with others. 2016 finds me still pondering and paring down my resolutions. I really just want to spend more time with my family & friends, work on writing family histories, and trying to make a little bit of difference in my little hometown. 
Dad always made up a rhyming jingle for each new year. 
In keeping with that tradition here is mine: 
"Learn to be happy with the "in between" to find more joy in 2016"

  
p.s. The inspiration for this post came from this song 
"Change in the Making" by Mercy River. You can buy it on iTunes 

There’s a better version of me
That I can’t quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I’m a total mess and
Right now I’m completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
‘Cause you’re not through with me yet

This is redemption’s story
With every step that I’m taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I’m a change in the making

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I would give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet
But you’re not through with me yet

This is redemption’s story
With every step that I’m taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be

From the dawn of history
You make new and you redeem
From a broken world to a broken heart
You finish what you start in everything

Like a river rolls into the sea
We’re not who we’re going to be
But things are going to change

I’m livin’ redemption’s story
With every step that I’m taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I’m a change in the making
I’m a change in the making


 I hope this year finds you happier, healthy, and a little kinder to yourself which will make it easier to become your best self:)                                                                             Kimberly

2 comments:

  1. Kimberly,
    I literally want to yell "YES"! This is so me. 100%. Thank you for posting this.

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  2. Thanks:) Deciding to embrace & learn from, rather than fight middle age is actually liberating for me:)

    ReplyDelete